Trying to find the right counsellor can be a bit of a minefield can't it? You know you need more than the supportive comments of a few well-meaning friends, because something inside of you, your gut instinct, tells you so. But where do you start? You go to your laptop or iPad, look up counselling services in your area and are immediately met with a sea of faces all offering you a variety of services which perhaps leave you more confused than ever by the time you find the energy to research even just a few. It can feel rather like looking for a needle in a haystack can't it?
I'm hoping by the time you finish reading this blog, you will have a clearer idea of what you do to find the right person for you. If you have a sense of what is troubling you and what you need from a counsellor, that is a good starting point. For instance, if you know you struggle with managing your anger and that it is having a negative effect upon your close relationships with others, you can narrow the search down to counsellors who specifically work with that particular issue. Or say you need a counsellor who is an ally of those who are part of a minority group, including yourself? Maybe even a counsellor from a different culture?
These questions are important, because for you to get the best from counselling you need to feel safe and comfortable with the person sitting opposite you. Never be afraid to ask questions, because most counsellors are open to these lines of enquiry and understand their significance. There are many counsellors out there who work with specific issues, such as those on the autistic spectrum, those with attention deficits and accompanying behavioural issues, depression or trauma to name but a few.
But what if you aren't sure what it is you need help with?
That's a common concern when you first start searching the internet. Just as there are counsellors who have their own specialisms, there are others who have a more general perspective. They work with clients who have a variety of problems such as low self-esteem; anxiety/panic attacks; body image; loneliness and general life transitions. You will usually be offered a 15 minute to 30 minute free chat after you make contact by text, email or phone. This is a great opportunity for you to get a sense of the counsellor you are considering working with. Ask yourself these questions.
- Do I feel comfortable talking to them?
- Can I imagine eventually being able to share my deepest concerns with them?
- In our short time together, do I feel they understand what is troubling me?
- Do I think I could trust them?
If the answer to any of these questions is an ambivalent or resounding NO, then that surely is a red flag that demands your attention.
Trust your gut instinct when it comes to choosing a counsellor. Don't ignore it because of any superficial reasons that may be influencing you to make the wrong decision. In my opinion, your gut instinct will not fail you and is worthy of your respect. You are investing your time, your energy and your money into this important undertaking and you deserve the best service the counsellor can offer.
And finally, I want to say this........... the most important thing is the relationship that is built between you and your counsellor. It precedes, in my view, any qualifications the counsellor may have. If you have a warm, empathic relationship with your counsellor which is based upon trust, your journey toward healing will be infinitely enhanced. To feel a real connection taking place between yourself and your counsellor on a human level is a really exciting thing. You know your counsellor “gets you” and that increases your confidence and ability to open up to them, because you feel safe. On the other hand, if that feeling of connection is not there with your counsellor, how can you realistically open up to them and share your deepest wounds in the hope of finding your own healing? It just isn't possible and can leave you with a strong sense of disappointment at having wasted your time, energy and money with the wrong counsellor. So, please keep in mind these suggestions I have given you, and choose wisely!!
Take care for now,
John, Counsellor in Dundee