When you think about what you might expect from your first therapy session, I wonder what runs through your mind? …......
Do you imagine your counsellor sitting there opposite you with a clipboard and pen?
Do you expect your counsellor to be asking you lots of questions and writing down your answers?
Maybe you expect you have to tell your counsellor your problems all at once?
Perhaps you think your counsellor will have figured out “what is wrong with you” in the first session and know how to “fix you.”
Or, you may have no idea what to expect and feel anxious about what will happen and how you will cope.
Any of these thoughts or questions or feelings are perfectly normal for you to experience.
Let me share with you, how I approach our first session together. It's got nothing to do with bombarding you with questions, writing things down on paper and analysing what you are all about. Neither is it about providing you with solutions or advice as a mechanic might do when dealing with your car that has broken down and in need of fixing. You are not a machine. You are a human being with your own unique life story; your individual life challenges that have shaped you into the person you have become today.
In our first session, I will be very mindful of that fact, and you can expect to be treated with respect for who you are; for having the courage to walk into the counselling room after weeks or perhaps even months of struggle in taking that all important step. My focus will not be upon solving your problems, but creating the kind of safety that enables you to gradually relax and just be yourself. I have found that humour can be a great way of “breaking the ice” and I might introduce this in an appropriate way to help you become more comfortable. I also know from experience, that many potential clients fear not knowing what to say and ending up sitting in an uncomfortable silence staring at the floor. I find asking a simple question like “What brings you here?” is enough to release these uncomfortable feelings and create a flow of conversation that takes them completely by surprise. That outcome in itself can be very helpful in establishing the beginnings of a good working relationship and my sincere hope is that you would experience that for yourself in your relationship with me.
For me, safety is everything and you will never be pressured into going down a path that feels unsafe or too risky for you to explore. I don't need to know everything about you all at once, only what you choose to tell me. We will go at your own pace as you gradually develop trust that you are safe and in control of what happens. Of course, you may feel that you need to open up to me as a way of releasing the tension and anxiety you may be experiencing and that is perfectly okay. There is no wrong way of approaching things, only your own unique way.
So, the first session is about me putting you at your ease and helping you understand that what has brought you to counselling is not your brokenness, but rather your need for healing of deep wounds from your past. I have gone down that particular path myself in my own personal therapy and know how it feels. My hope is that you will experience in your first session, a real sense of having been heard and understood and that you leave the room thinking “he gets me.” If that happens, there is every possibility you will gradually be able to explore these deeper issues that are troubling you and find the healing you crave. It all comes down to safety and trust and I will endeavour to do all I can to offer you that.
Take care for now,
John, Counsellor in Dundee